


Going Through It

by NarwhalsButTheyreOnLand



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:54:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27681800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarwhalsButTheyreOnLand/pseuds/NarwhalsButTheyreOnLand
Summary: (Vent fic)Loving yourself is hard enough.Adding being in love with your best friend is another thing.Dream can deny all he wants, until one morning he can't.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 104





	Going Through It

**Author's Note:**

> Some warnings:
> 
> This is a vent fic
> 
> Homophobia is mentioned
> 
> There are bits of self harm, not very explicit but beware if hitting yourself can trigger you.

It's hard enough to love himself. Adding falling in love with his best friend was a whole new ball park.

Dream always knew he was pansexual, ever since middle school. He accepted himself in an instant, but that didn't stop others from invalidating him.

Always whispers in the locker room, a few stray words in the hall. No one at the middle school nor highschool he went to were loudly homophobic. No, they were quiet with it, only in hush gossiping around concerns would you hear slurs or giggles about a man liking another man.

That did nothing to dismay him from accepting himself, but it kept him locking all the rainbow or pink, yellow, and blue in the closet. It didn't deter him from liking any gender, but it kept him from expressing it. 

Slowly but surely Dream began to pile everything up in a closet in his heart. He never denied anything, only he never expressed it. Just like how the kids at his school never expressed their views on his sexuality, but always talked about it behind his back. 

Then came growing up, puberty, interests, new friends. For as long as Dream could remember he wanted to be a Minecarft Youtuber, but never once did he ever think it could be done. He worked on coding till his eyes were dry and his fingers numb. In his opinion the codes were blotchy, ugly, and problematic. In his friends' opinions they were some of the best they've seen of their age.

His clothing style was another thing, he didn't like practically anything in his closet anymore. Dream didn't like the sneakers he got last Christmas, or the Steven Universe shirt he got a week ago. 

He started again, but even then the style never stayed the same and he never fit into a category. He painted his nails only to get rid of them two days later, he put effort into an 'out there's outfit only to never wear it again.

Then came the hate on anything he thought about.

Sometimes in the middle of the night he would sit there staring at the wall of code he created, trying to find where he messed up. Only to fall down a rabbit hole of emotions. 

First comes the tears.

Then the horrible, horrible, thoughts.

Pulling out hair came after that, slamming against his head too. Violent attacks that left no permanent damage, only short and temporary. 

Finally talking to himself would come last. Quietly hunched over, he would bargain with himself. Telling no one but maybe a Stray cockroach that he would go to bed after this. 

Calming down or repeating the same cycle were the only two options.

So with all this going on since middle school. He thought it would be impossible to find love. Love takes time and effort, a two way street. Dream just could never give the other the same love and affection he knows they deserve. 

It sucks even more when he finally admits to himself that he's in love with his best friend George.

Denial was never his forte, until it came to George. Knowing George for only about five years and over the course of those five years Dream denied more things than any other time in his life.

Dream denied killing George in Minecraft, missing what George was saying, but probably the biggest thing he denied was being in love with George.

George knew about Dream's thoughts and actions. The man knew about Dream's sexuality and how he felt about himself, he knew about the whispers Dream heard through the halls. George even knows about the episodes Dream gets when he's alone.

George knows so much about Dream, but it's not even the full truth. 

Dream realized he was in love with George in a very anticlimactic way. Editing a video was suppose to be childs play, until the audio file got corrupted. 

Then the program crashed.

And all the unsaved bits were gone. All the hard work for nothing. That was Dream's breaking point for the month.

His hands twitch, his eyes begin to water and he knows what's coming. He knows from the month break it's going to be bad. Dream looks around the room before grabbing his phone.

"George"

The message is typed out from shaky hands and he barely sends out a "call me" before he bursts into tears. Putting his phone and arms down he begins to sob. The little things being built up from the month come out of him through a barrage of tears. With those tears also come some dangerous thoughts. 

Thoughts about what if he quit youtube, what if he stopped talking to his friends, saying awful awful things in his mind. Things he knows aren't true, but are scared they are.

Then the thoughts about George, about how Dream shouldn't have messaged him, that he's a bad friend for always venting to George about what he thinks of himself. 

His hands shoot up but before any damage is done his phone vibrates, and continues to vibrate. In Dream's tired brain it takes him longer than it should to recognize that someone is calling him.

Not just anyone, George. George is calling him. No new message, George went straight to the call. 

Dream straightens up and sniffles, willing his ugly crocodile tears away on his Panama's sleeve. He hesitantly clicks accept on the call.

"Dream?" George's voice sounds worried, "Dream? You alright? You said for me to call you without any context. Dream the last time you did this was when you had that episode- Dream are you ther-"

"Yes, yes, I'm here," Dream's body somehow lets out a wheeze. It wasn't a normal one though, no, anyone could tell that it was filled with a deep sorrow. 

"Dream.." George hesitantly begins, "I'm right aren't I? What.. what happened?" 

Dream laughs, it's broken and defeated but he laughs, "everything went wrong. The newest Minecraft Manhunt is gone. Everything went to shit like it always does! Nothing fucking goes how it's suppose to! Not even my fucking life!" Dream knows he's about to let out more than he should. Thoughts circle around Dream's brain that reprimands him and tricks him to think George doesn't want nor need to hear this.

"I… Sorry, I'm tired. You've already heard me talk a million times about the same shit, you're probably tired too," Dream lets out a sigh. A few more tears leak from his green eyes. Dream doesn't both swiping them away, not with the silence filling the line.

Dream thinks he said something wrong, said a wrong word, or maybe George found something better to do than sit around and listen to a grown man have a breakdown. Dream is about to apologize before he gets cut off.

"Dream, don't ever apologize to me for you being you. Emotions are… something, and they're a lot to deal with. It's ok to be overwhelmed, believe me I know." George's voice is dipped in sincerity and it sounds like he's mulling over his choice of words.

Which is good that Dream is left speechless. George seems to have found more words to speak and speak he does, "you have this issue with, apologizing. Unless it's on stream," George lets out a cute laugh, "but on discord you apologize for me being silent. You shouldn't have to do that Dream, especially, especially not with me…"

Dream isn't stunned, but he is silent and a mouse. The words come through one ear and circle around his brain before going out the other. He accepts them without any hesitation with a slow nod. Dream thinks about what George said, what George has done with him, and what George is to him.

His thoughts always are random, always jumping from one thing to another through barely any connection. But with these, with George and Dream there is a connection. 

A connection that sends Dream chills through his entire body. One he denied for years even with the facts slapping him in the face. 

Dream is in love with his best friend GeorgeNotFound. 

Dream doesn't deny a lot of things, he typically just doesn't express them. With George it's different, it always has been. With George he denies and always expresses.

The issue with Dream being in love with George isn't that they're best friends, it isn't because George is a guy, it isn't even because George is an ocean away.

It's because Dream doesn't think he could give George the love he deserves.

Dream thinks that.

He also thinks a lot of things. A pattern of believing in a set of things, that included, for as long as he can remember. 

But George is always an exception, always modifying how Dream acts. Always being a wild card to Dream. 

So Dream in a split second of rash decision, prompted by the breakdown he might still be going through just accepts it right then. In one of the worst ways possible.

Out loud

"George, I love you."

The silence that fills the call is deafening. Dream knows George knows Dream isn't saying this for the cameras, for a blush, for anything other than them. 

Dream thinks he's screwed, that he will have to apologize and rebuild this friendship again. Whether it be a dent or it all being broken.

"George I am so sorry, I didn't mean to- 

"Dream," George's voice is serious. 

"I said you don't have to apologize for being yourself around me, like, not even five minutes ago." Dream stills when he can hear George's smile. 

Dream slowly relaxes, "Oh, sorry, I just-"

"Dream," George laughs and Dream can't help but release a nervous smile too. George is taking this better than expected.

It doesn't stop Dream from worrying though, saying for good measure, "George, listen if I weirded you out-

Dream can't even make it through an apology without being interrupted by a certain colorblind boy. "Weirded out? Dre-Deam why would I be weirded out?" He asks that as if it's one of the most idiotic things George has ever heard.

"Because I admitted to liking you while having a breakdown?.." Dream says hesitantly mixed with uncertainty. 

George's response is once again slower than a snail, "Oh, Oh, OH! Dream that- no, no, no, no." George laughs a few times.

"So, you're not upset?"

"Upset?" George questions, "Dream I thought I was obvious." George's break is shorted bur still noticeable by Dream, "Dream, I like you too.."

And that's how Dream no longer denied liking his best friend. 

George was only ever good to Dream, encouraging Dream and himself to express themselves however they see fit. From dressing in all rainbow, to posing with the flags, or anything else.

They made each other feel like they mattered, and nothing else did. Not the homophobia, not the guiding glares, not the breakdowns that Dream continued to suffer through, nothing.

Everything was rushed, but as long as they had each other they felt like they had all the time in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Lol, I did this at 2:30 am while at a hotel so it's trash but ay.


End file.
